Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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