drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize