FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
