Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
