dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
