My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
