I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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