True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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