from now on my penis is your penis
dude i'm inner monologue high
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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