Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
