i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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