you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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