I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
