How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
