I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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