i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I pour the whiskey from now on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
