Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize