youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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