Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
