the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
