I accidentally burped into my bong.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
