dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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