In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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