hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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