How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
