do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
