i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
