don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
