My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
