This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
