Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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