i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
