Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Four minutes until I can fart!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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