He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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