he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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