At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is Oprah even human
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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