how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
