i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
