my sisters under your porch take her home
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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