Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
