You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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