Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can i not drive my cunt home
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
