Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
