I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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