i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
