This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
