Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
