your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
