yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
