return my video game
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
