I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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