thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
