Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize