His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
