I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
