just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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