He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
