farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You brought string cheese to the strip club
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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