just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
