Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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