just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
