We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
