Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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