just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
