My cat gives me a boner
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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