I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
