i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
