If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
