You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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