He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
