Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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