Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize