you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
