I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
