So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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