My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize