She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
