you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
