So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
