he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
