I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
