Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
